you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
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He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
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Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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