If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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