Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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