Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
