i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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