Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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