whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
