It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
