i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
