this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
