i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
