Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm just crazy horny about you
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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