I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
