My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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