i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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