I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
