I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
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marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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