He felt like a one man threesome
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
