I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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