Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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