Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
