I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
