Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize