Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I did not marry a roomba.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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