im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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