Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
operation have a gay friend backfired
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
