you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
