So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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