Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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