Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
