Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
