return my video game
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
