No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
