I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
