Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
