i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
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Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
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I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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