Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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