best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
