We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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