Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
