homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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