you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
