I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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