So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
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I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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