i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
