I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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