Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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