Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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