we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
