my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
