Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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