like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
