I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
