; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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