i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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