You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
