The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
