So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
