I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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