Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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