i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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