awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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