covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
