why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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