Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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