Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
as a side note pls kill me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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