I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
