I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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