That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
