Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
