their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
